(consider this a Tuesday post...since that is when I started it)

I had to make a quick trip to the closest Sears store this afternoon to get my daughter a really nice outfit for her concert tonight. As I got off the freeway, there was one of those guys that is so prevalent to this area...the ones that stand at the top of the exit or entrance ramps of the freeway. The hold up signs asking for money or food or whatever. I have a soft heart but I really haven't paid them too much mind most of the time. I blame it on being jaded since the Mr's bout with crack. I got a REAL education in the 'tricks of the trade'. I learned lots of interesting things that I was so totally naive and oblivious to before in my life. For instance, I would rather sleep under my van on a bed of rocks than to check into one of those cheap strip motels. I think I'd be safer under my van...in the sharp rocks...

Anyway...this guy that was standing at the end of the ramp was holding a sign that said, "I need food and money...I'm hungry and cold...and down on my luck...God Bless you" I thot 'at least the sign is honest.' And then I looked at his face...he looked sad, and pleading. He had a napsack beside him...it was small and filled with something...strapped to the front was a stuffed Santa Claus doll and strapped to the top was a well worn Bible. I started to pull some money from my purse...the light turned green and I moved along. But as I was looking for an outfit for my daughter, that man's face would not leave my mind. It wasn't anything unforgettable...thin, dirty...but it was the look he had on it. I began to wonder just how he got where he was. Was it just a matter of a string of bad luck? Or had he taken a wrong turn with drugs or alcohol? And what about that Bible? Did is symbolize his struggle to make his life right or was it just a sympathy prop? Then I realized none of it mattered right then. I knew that his image would not leave my mind for a reason.

After I left the mall, I stopped at the McDonald's at the edge of the lot and got him a couple of Quarterpounders with cheese, a bottle of water, and a large hot chocolate...then threw the change in the bag. (Ordinarily I wouldn't tell anyone that I did something like this becuz I feel it cheapens the good deed but I have a reason for this). I thought, "well, I will have to go down and pull over by the exit ramp and give it to him, then head down the road, turn around and go back to the entrance ramp." I was looking at my watch and it was cutting it close...I had to pick my daughter up from school then get my son to his Dr. appt. Oh, well. But as I approached the entrance ramp I saw him standing THERE now. Cool! So, I pulled over and rolled down the window. I handed him the bag and told him what was in it and gave him the hot chocolate. A smile spread across his face and he said, "Oh, thank you! God Bless you!" As I pulled away I looked in my rearview mirror and saw him diving into the bag.

I thought back to when the Mr. was off...under the grip of crack. He would call the house once a week and ask ME for food. He was so out of it he didn't even know he had drained the bank account. He had no concept of where or how I was getting food to feed the kids. He had no concept, period. I would put some things in a bag and leave it outside the front door. I would hear a car pull into the driveway in the middle of the night and the footsteps on the stone walkway to the front door. Then I'd hear the car pull away. No one knows what a pain in the heart that was.

There was something about the look on that guy's face....

There are lots of ppl out there that don't see what the big deal is about smoking a little pot. Here is MY big deal with it...some ppl can smoke it every now and then and it is NOT a big deal. Good for you. But I have lost friends and the kids almost lost their father becuz of pot...my friends had addictive personalities...so does the Mr. Smoking pot is okay for a while...but then they have to smoke more and more to achieve that feeling they seek...so they try other things...other things that are their undoing. I am so against the legalization of pot. We already have legal liquor...and that hasn't been good for ppl with addictive traits either. So, you don't have to agree with me...but I've seen the the bad parts and felt the loss.

I don't know how that guy got to where he is...but the look on his face said it all. It reminded me of the look on my husband's face that morning I opened the front door and he said, "Can you help me? I don't want to do this anymore." Ironically, it was this very time of year/month of December...5 years ago.